Emmett's Journal
by BleedingFlames
Summary: Let's take a peek inside the mind of the lovable Emmett Cullen!
1. Chapter 1

04/06/10

Dear Journal,

Emmett Cullen here. Carlisle and Esme gave me this book yesterday because they told me I have a lot of frustrations and I need to take them all out. Yeah right. I think that this is just my punishment for breaking Esme's coffee table for the fifth time this week.

I have to go to the home depot now because Esme's making me buy another coffee table. She made Edward, Jasper, Alice, Bella, Nessie and Rosalie come with me so that they can check what I'm buying because last time I bought a crystal coffee table then I broke it 2 hours later. They're making me buy something sturdy. I told Edward that we should go to the vampire home depot so that we could by something like that. He told me that he was not in a good mood and to shut up.

He's just cranky because I'm more stronger than him.

Yours,

Emmett


	2. Chapter 2

04/07/10

Dear Journal,

Nessie's hyper today because I gave her two bags of candy. We shipped her off to La Push so that she wouldn't disturb Edward and Bella for awhile. I couldn't resist telling Nessie that her parents are making lots of other Reneesme and she cried so hard it could probably cause us two months of flood so now Edward is threatening to break my Nintendo Wii. No way! I just got past Level 2 of Super Mario! He will not be destroying that!

Yours,

Emmett


	3. Chapter 3

04/08/10

Dear Journal,

Had fun today at the post office with Jasper. We almost doubled up in laughter because we sent off a Hogwarts acceptance letter to each of the fifth graders in our school. I could probably hear them shrieking later. Then we bit each of the fruits in the super market and unleashed our vampire army to go against Carlisle and Edward. We should have bitten the oranges, the apples were too stubborn and we got kicked out of the grocery store.

Gotta go now. We're gonna play Truth or Dare! I'm gonna dare Edward to strip in the hospital!

Yours,

Emmett


	4. Chapter 4

04/09/10

Dear Journal,

Carlisle is mad at all of us today. We went to the hospital yesterday and Edward started stripping. I think the female doctors, nurses and patients enjoyed it. They were smiling and all but Carlisle had to ruin the fun and told us to go home. When he learned I had dared Edward, he confiscated my Super Mario! It's no fair!

Yours,

Emmett


	5. Chapter 5

04/11/10

Dear Journal,

Jasper had a nervous breakdown a minute ago. Now Alice is mad at me. Is it my fault that I kept changing my emotions? I was first happy then sad then annoyed then depressed then irritated then angry and suddenly Jasper fell to the floor and it was like him being tasered. I should have videoed it. Then we'll be winning money from America's Funniest Home Videos! Am still not allowed to play Super Mario, though. *dry sobs*

Yours,

Emmett


	6. Chapter 6

04/12/10

Dear Journal,

I'm watching Dora the Explorer now, it's my favorite but Jasper says Blues Clues is better. Now we're fighting over the remote. I'm sitting on him so I can write on you. Well Bye!

**1 hour later**

Esme got mad at us for fighting. Now she's forcing us to cook for the wolves, they're all laughing in the living room and watching us cook...hmmmm

**2 hours later**

The wolves are mad at us. We accidentally put sugar instead of salt on the eggs and super hot sauce instead of ketchup. So now they're in the hospital because they all have numb mouths.

Yours,

Emmett


	7. Chapter 7

04/13/10

Dear Journal,

The newspaper's funny today. It reported a lot of kids receiving Hogwarts Acceptance letters. Jasper and I are cracking up and I think Carlisle, Edward and Esme are already suspicious. Oh well, they don't have proof anyway!

P.S. They unground me today and Carlisle gave me back my Super Mario. Yipee!

Yours,

Emmett


	8. Chapter 8

**04/14/10**

Dear Journal,

Edward said I should name you but I can't think of anything to name you yet. I don't know if I would like to have a man or girl journal but Edward says he's the one who's going to think of a name for you. Jasper sucks so much! I can't believe he beat my record in Guitar Hero!!! In my anger, I accidentally smashed my Guitar Hero and our plasma TV while Esme and Carlisle was there to see the whole thing happen. Now I have to pay for a new TV and Guitar Hero and I'm also grounded for the rest of my life. But the last time Esme said that I was grounded forever, I was only grounded for two years.

Yours,

Emmett


	9. Chapter 9

**04/15/10**

Dear Hunter,

Ta Da! Your new name is Hunter! Edward thought of it and said it was perfect for me. You're the Hunter and I'm the prey though I don't exactly know what prey means. Oh well, maybe it's the person who gets to kill grizzly bears.

Paid for the new TV. Carlisle and Esme got it today and they're installing it right now. Jasper and Alice are playing Guitar Hero just to tease me but I'm pretending not to notice. Ha ha! Once I get out of my punishment, I'm going to beat their high scores!

Yours,

Emmett


	10. Chapter 10

**04/16/10**

Dear Hunter,

Edward's mad today for some reason which I don't know. It's probably about Jacob again. He's practically exhaling steam from his ears now. Uh oh, he just yelled at me. Honestly, it's no fun having a mind reader and a Chill pill for a brother and a Psychic for a sister. And all I got was this super strength. Carlisle must be suffering from something when he bit me. Maybe it was intense paranoia. He's always so paranoid that I'm going to break something in this house. I'm a vampire! I don't break anyth-

Oops...I just broke Esme's vase. I better run before she see-

She saw it. I'm dead.

Yours,

Emmett


	11. Chapter 11

**04/17/10**

Dear Hunter,

Today was boring. Nothing really happened today except that I'm still grounded. Oh well, Bella and Alice invited me to go grizzly hunting.

Yours,

Emmett


	12. Chapter 12

**04/18/10**

Dear Hunter,

At least today wasn't as boring as yesterday. Carlisle and Esme went on their second honeymoon to Isle Esme so we kids are free for two weeks. That means I can play anything I want. But Eddie-poo must have taken a crash course on being Carlislesness or Esmeness and he's going to keep an eye on us.

Hmmm...please do not disturb...Emmett the Great is thinking...

Yours,

Emmett


	13. Chapter 13

**04/19/10**

Dear Hunter,

The plan is still not in action. Edward's getting suspicious...Did I spell that right? Carlisle complains that I have terrible spelling. It's not my fault that the teachers were mean back in the 20th Century. And I did not spend eternity studying books. Everything you can learn is in television, right?

Yours,

Emmett


	14. Chapter 14

**04/20/10**

Dear Journal,

Eddie-poo's seething upstairs...I put my plan into action this morning. First, I emailed a picture of Rosalie in totally hot lingerie but I photo shopped this so that she had Bella's face on it. I sent it to Eric Yorkie and Mike. Then I took a picture of me in my underwear and edited it to have Eddie's head on me and sent it to Jessica and Lauren.

Haha, this was fun but I think Edward will be getting back at me.

Oh yeah! I also told all the girls in school that Edward will hook up with them if they flashed him. I think they're going to do just that!

It's going to be the first time that I'm looking forward to school tomorrow...

Yours,

Emmett


	15. Chapter 15

**04/21/10**

Dear Hunter,

Haha! Let's see, about the whole girl population in school flashed Eddie-poo today!!! But I think he's planning something...

Uh Oh...

Yours,

Emmett


	16. Chapter 16

**04/22/10**

Dear Hunter,

Edward's giving me the silent treatment since two days ago. It's been a good two days, actually. Now, I can play Super Mario!

Love,

Emmett


	17. Chapter 17

**04/23/10**

Dear Hunter,

Rosalie is trying to seduce me but I don't want to. It's still too early and I'm waiting for Glee. It comes on in 15 minutes or was it seconds? I can't remember. So Rosalie is now giving me the silent treatment too. Ah well...

Yours,

Emmett


	18. Chapter 18

**04/24/10**

Dear Hunter,

Alice is mad at me today coz' i wouldn't go with her to the mall to shop. Now she's giving me the Silent Treatment. Still no Carlisle and Esme...They'll be back in 5 days

*sigh...insert your choice of swear word here and any other insults*

Yours,

Emmett


	19. Chapter 19

**04/25/10**

Dear Hunter,

I smashed Bella's phone a while ago. Now she's giving me the Silent Treatment. Only Jasper and Nessie left or the wolves if you consider them counted.

Yours,

Emmett


	20. Chapter 20

**04/26/10**

Dear Hunter,

Insulted Jacob in front of Nessie today. Called him a wet dog and told him to go to the red fire hydrant. So now both of them are giving me the Silent Treatment. Am going hunting now, alone. Nobody wants to go to me. I would ask Jasper but he's doing something with Alice in their room...Didn't know he had it in him!

I miss Rose...:(

Yours,

Emmett


	21. Chapter 21

**04/27/10**

Dear Hunter,

I broke Seth Clearwater's PSP. Now he's the one giving me the Silent Treatment. I'm feeling a little bit guilty now...I wonder who'll be next to give me the silent treatment? Wanna bet Hunter? I bet $100,000 that the next one would be Embry Call.

Esme and Carlisle noticed all of them not talking to me. They got back from their honeymoon yesterday, by the way. But they're staying out of it. I think they're going to call the SWAT team and the FBI in case something happens like I take over the world or something.

Hey! That's a great plan! I'm so bored! WORLD DOMINATION, HERE COMES EMMETT MCARTY CULLEN!!!!

Yours,

Emmett


	22. Chapter 22

**04/28/10**

Dear Hunter,

Edward read my mind about the world domination and he told Carlisle about everything I did. They made me apologize to all of them which they accepted. So now we're back to being one, big happy family.

Oh yeah, did I mention about Seth Clearwater? He imprinted on a girl named Faye Jordan and guess what! He got her pregnant! So Seth's nineteen and Faye's eighteen and she knows about the werewolf thingy and she's okay with it. They're expecting a baby in nine months.

Sue almost fainted when she heard the news but they assigned Carlisle to be the baby's doctor. Faye's doctor was someone named Dr. Patricia Wells.

Goody-good gumdrops! We're going to have another baby!!! *that was sarcastic* Why can't Rose and I have a baby???

Yours,

Emmett

P.S. I owe you $100,000 because you bet that nobody would give me the silent treatment today D:


	23. Chapter 23

**04/29/10**

Dear Hunter,

Carlisle found a poem in the internet that made all of them dry-sob. Here, I'll show you:

**Month one**

**Mommy  
I am only 8 inches long  
but I have all my organs.  
I love the sound of your voice.  
Every time I hear it  
I wave my arms and legs.  
The sound of your heart beat  
is my favorite lullaby.**

**Month Two**

**Mommy  
today I learned how to suck my thumb.  
If you could see me  
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.  
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.  
It is so nice and warm in here.**

**Month Three**

**You know what Mommy  
I'm a girl!!  
I hope that makes you happy.  
I always want you to be happy.  
I don't like it when you cry.  
You sound so sad.  
It makes me sad too  
and I cry with you even though  
you can't hear me.**

**Month Four**

**Mommy  
my hair is starting to grow.  
It is very short and fine  
but I will have a lot of it.  
I spend a lot of my time exercising.  
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes  
and stretch my arms and legs.  
I am becoming quite good at it too.**

**Month Five**

**You went to the doctor today.  
Mommy, he lied to you.  
He said that I'm not a baby.  
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.  
I think and feel.  
Mommy, what's abortion?**

**Month Six**

**I can hear that doctor again.  
I don't like him.  
He seems cold and heartless.  
Something is intruding my home.  
The doctor called it a needle.  
Mommy what is it? It burns!  
Please make him stop!  
I can't get away from it!  
Mommy! HELP me!**

**Month Seven**

**Mommy  
I am okay.  
I am in Jesus's arms.  
He is holding me.  
He told me about abortion.  
Why didn't you want me Mommy?**

**Every Abortion Is Just . . .**

**One more heart that was stopped.  
Two more eyes that will never see.  
Two more hands that will never touch.  
Two more legs that will never run.  
One more mouth that will never speak.**

Aww...Hunter, you're crying too. Shh, it's okay, it's okay.

Rose says that it's a crime to harm little babies inside their momma's tummies. Geesh, I didn't know how much the world has changed since 1935. It makes you wonder, dosen't it? If all this change was really for the better or for the worst.

My head hurts. I'm going hunting. Jasper can't go, he has too much emotion after reading that poem.

Yours,

Emmett


	24. Chapter 24

**I got that poem from Amy Cahill's profile but I don't know who really wrote it:D. If you detest abortion, copy and paste that to your profile. I did:D**

**

* * *

**

**04/30/10**

Dear Hunter,

Can't talk right now. Carlisle is dragging me and Jasper and Edward to a convention in Europe. It's about abortion, euthanasia, two-child policy and the death penalty. I don't really want to go but Jasper and Edward are excited. Esme thinks it will bring me luck.

I didn't really understand euthanasia but Edward said that it's when they kill old people because they can't do much good in society anymore. Woah. Esme's proud of me, she says I've been thinking more and more these past few days. She thinks that you have something to do with it.

Yours,

Emmett

* * *

**Woah, Emmett is getting smarter! **


	25. Chapter 25

**05/01/10**

Dear Hunter,

No time to write! Carlisle allowed me and Jasper to swim in the hotel swimming pool. He and Edward are going to the convention right away. We'll be staying here for two weeks until the convention ends. So boring! Glad I brought you along.

Hey, do you know that when you order room service, you have to tip the guy or girl who delivers it! I had fun tipping the guy who delivered the Xbox to our room. It tipped him $245 which seems just right to me. Dosen't it? Jasper says it's too much but he's just jealous!

Although why he should be jealous, I don't know.

Yours,

Emmett


	26. Chapter 26

**05/02/10**

Dear Hunter,

The pool day was a disaster. When we went there, several girls in a bikins started looking at us and they sunbathed topless. Jasper had tons of lust emotion which he gave to everyone else. Too bad Rose wasn't here or we would have wrecked the whole hotel.

Or maybe it's good that Rose isn't here or else she would have killed all those girls who flashed me.

Yours,

Emmett


	27. Chapter 27

**05/03/10**

Dear Hunter,

The convention's so boring. Ugh, I hate it here. Edward goes with Carlisle everyday to the convention and they come back with new things to talk about and they use big words in their conversations to me and Jasper everyday! It's so irritating. Jasper and Edward are talking now. Here's a copy of what they're saying.

J: So Edward, what's the meaning of profanity.

E: Jasper, why don't you look in the dictionary. It won't take you two seconds.

J: So I'm taking that you can't understand it's meaning.

E: No, I'm teaching you to look for the meaning in the dictionary.

J: To change the subject, did you know that this hotel has a cornucopia of bath towels?

E: Um yes. But did you know that the abbess next door has an abhorrence of corn?

J: Oh no, I didn't. You should have heard the receptionist Edward. She told me to compose myself and comport because I was screaming around the hotel lobby.

E: I think it was compulsory of her to do that.

J: Well, I finally had to curtail her while she was speaking.

E: Jasper, that was very impolite!

J: She deserved it.

And so on and so fort. Here's the list of words I don't really understand: profanity, dictionary, cornucopia, abbess, abhorrence, receptionist, compose, comport, compulsory, curtail and impolite.

What the heck do those things mean?

Yours,

Emmett


	28. Chapter 28

**05/04/10**

Dear Hunter,

So we're back here at Forks. Actually, Carlisle shipped me and Jasper back here since we got too immature for the hotel to handle. Why? Um, we broke seventeen plates and eight glasses in the dining area.

Well, at least Edward isn't here.

Yours,

Emmett


	29. Chapter 29

**05/05/10**

Dear Hunter,

Today at school (Eddie-poo's still not home) I shoved meat loaf into Jasper's mouth while the humans were watching. He had no choice but to swallow it. Alice and him are now super mad at me. Haha, nothing's changed!

Yours,

Emmett


	30. Chapter 30

**05/06/10**

Dear Hunter,

Eddie came back today. Boo-hoo. I'm going to think of ways to prank him now. Can you tell me how to do some pranks? My mind is in a seizure right now. Eddie says he didn't know I had a mind. I'm gonna get him at baseball tonight! HE MAKES ME SO MAD! I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE EVEN RELATED!...if we're even related...

Yours,

Emmett


	31. Chapter 31

**05/07/10**

Dear Hunter,

I'm going to put my plan into action! First, I'll buy boxes and boxes of Playboy magazines and condoms and I'll put them in Eddie's locker today. When he opens them...well, you get the picture. People will think he's just a sick pervert. And maybe I'll do something with the PA Speakers too. I might sneak in to the Principal's office and announce something...hmmm....

Yours,

Emmett


	32. Chapter 32

**05/08/10**

Dear Hunter,

Carlisle and Esme were called to the Principal's office today. Me, Jasper and Edward were there. You see, Jasper helped me put the condoms and the magazines in Edward's locker so when he opened them, he shouted our names. But by that time, I was already in the Principal's office and shouting announcements. It went on like this:

"Yo baby girls! Edward Cullen ain't here but I just want to tell you nothings all clear. You see my darling sweethearts, Justin Bieber has arrived. He's parachuting right now into the school. You'll meet him at Edward's locker, and see if he survived. Justin is the one, Eddie's no cool, he's just a little jealous coz he's a virgin all the way. So my darling babies, try to make his day!"

And someone caught me so now the three of us are suspended for three months. Eddie's mad. But he's already graduated like what? 150 times?

Yours,

Emmett


	33. Chapter 33

**05/08/10**

Dear Hunter,

Today was semi-fun. I slipped the wolves sleeping pills this morning and I tied all of them with leashes and tied them to a tree on the middle of the border or the treaty line. When they woke up, which they didn't do until after twenty hours later, I demanded money from Sam for my kennel salary.

Jasper expanded my vocabulary today. Do you know that the word kennel means the place where they cage dogs?

Yours,

Emmett


	34. Chapter 34

**05/09/10**

****Dear Hunter,

Remember Faye Jordan? Seth's girlfriend whom he got pregnant? They went to the doctor that treats pregnant women or something like that and had an ultra-thingy. So they found out the baby's gender and it's a girl. Faye wants Rosalie, Alice, Esme, Bella, Leah, Nessie and Emily to think of names. They want three names. So old fashioned. *shakes head*

I didn't know that Seth had guts! They're expecting the baby in 5 more months.

Yours,

Emmett


	35. Chapter 35

**05/10/10**

Dear Hunter,

So out of pure boredom, Jasper and I decided to make a youtube account and upload videos on it. Our first video is up and it has Esme, me and Jasper on it. Here's how it went:

Jasper: Hello America and Hello world! We're here today with our awesome mom Esme and my child-minded brother, Emmett!

Esme: Jasper, what is going on?

***I come in wearing a pink fairy costume and wings***

Jasper: Esme here is cooking Australian Beef for Sam Uley and his group of friends who are arriving this afternoon.

***I start dancing around with my fairy costume singing Barbie Girl at the top of my lungs***

Esme: MY EYES!

***Esme runs out from the room***

Jasper: Looks like the wolves won't be eating beef today

****END****

It was really cool and after the first five minutes, it got 7,560,345 hits! One user commented that it was cool how we harass our mom!

Wow, never knew youtube was so addicting!

Yours,

Emmett


	36. Chapter 36

**05/11/10**

Dear Hunter,

Today was Lauren Mallory's birthday. So Jasper, Edward, Bella, Rosalie, Alice and me decided to give her an awesome present! First, we know that Lauren arrives at school at about 7:30 in the morning so Edward and Jasper hired 8 male strippers to be at the school by 7:00. We gave them a picture of Lauren and told them to strip for her. It caused quite a pile-up of female students. I think one of the cafeteria ladies even stood by to watch. Then we wanted to get revenge because Lauren was always thinking dirty thoughts about Edward, me, Jasper and sometimes even Carlisle which is too gross for words. So Edward distracted Lauren by flirting with her (which Bella wasn't too happy about) and I replaced her coffee with mouthwash and Jasper put food-coloring so it would look like coffee. Then we videotaped her reaction and put it on youtube.

That was the best birthday bash ever!

Yours,

Emmett


	37. Chapter 37

**05/12/10**

****Dear Hunter,

So today Bella, Rose, Alice, Nessie, Esme, Emily and Leah finally presented Faye Jordan and Seth Clearwater a baby name. Do you know what stupid name they came up with? Yeah, the baby's name is going to be Diana Vivienne J. Clearwater. I know, it sounds posh but blame Alice and Esme who got way over the top...again.

The baby's nickname is going to be Vivi. But here's another stupid thing...

EMBRY CALL IMPRINTED ON VIVI AND SHE WASN'T EVEN BORN!

Yeah, Faye and Seth showed us some 3D pictures of the baby in the womb and when Embry saw it, it was as if a blind man looking at the sun for the first time. Of course, Seth is as mad as hell and Faye keeps hoping that it would change when Vivi came out but Sam told the two of them not to get their hopes up.

Hopeless wolves...being a vampire is better!

Of course, Leah Clearwater is jealous of Vivi and Seth is angry at her too.

God, it's like a sick soap opera or something.

Yours,

Emmett


	38. Chapter 38

**05/13/10**

Dear Hunter,

Oh no, not another wedding! So Faye and Seth decided to get married in six months and Alice and Esme are the wedding planners. Ugh! I hate wearing a tuxedo!

Yours,

Emmett


	39. Chapter 39

**05/14/10**

Dear Hunter,

Carlisle got mad at me coz I broke his favorite baseball bat and scarf during a baseball game with Jasper. I just tried wrapping the bat in a scarf and see what happens. Well, the bat and the scarf broke and one of the ball broke the window in Esme's office where it broke a vase which spilled water all over the blueprints for Seth and Faye's house, a wedding gift from Esme and Carlisle. So now, I'm not allowed to play baseball with my siblings.

*Sigh* where is the justice in this world?

Yours,

Emmett


	40. Chapter 40

**05/15/10**

Dear Hunter,

Out of pure boredom, Jasper and I decided to take a bet on who can date the most girls in four weeks. Loser pays the winner an Audi R8 with the color of his choice, a Harley Sprint motorcycle, a new guitar and a new video game. Also, loser has to spend a day wearing one of the wolves' clothing which is in Rosalie's words: Major eww.

I start tomorrow. Hope Rose ain't gonna be mad...the same could be said for Alice who is way over the top in protecting Jasper in what she puts it: The alluring and lustful eyes of human girls and the dirty thoughts of both mortal women and men.

Wayyyyyyyy too cheesy and savvy.

Yours,

Emmett


	41. Chapter 41

**05/16/10**

Dear Hunter,

Got my first date! I was hanging by Jessica Stanley's locker and asked her out to the movies this Friday night. She squealed for joy alright...Friday's three days away. I explained it all to Rose and she promised not to kill the girls I would date...but that would be hard to say. Wonder what Jessica would do...

Yours,

Emmett


	42. Chapter 42

**05/17/10**

Dear Hunter,

Rose and Alice went to Victoria's Secret today. Mmmm...already imagining what Rose is gonna wear tonight. In the meantime, I'll be going in Alice's walk-in close with a bit of spray paint, flame throwers and chainsaws. Shhh....don't tell!

Yours,

Emmett


	43. Chapter 43

**05/18/10**

Dear Hunter,

So Alice is furious-another word for Mad times 3-at me today coz' she found out what I did to her clothes. Rose keeps muttering that I'm immature...I know you are but what am I? Now, Carlisle and Esme made me give Alice my limitless credit card so that she could buy new clothes and more stuff. And they also confiscated my World of Warcraft! So UNFAIR! And It wall because of Alice's stupid clothes!!! NO FAIR!!!

Yours,

Emmett


	44. Chapter 44

**05/19/10**

Dear Hunter,

I don't really have time to write because I need to go to the Home Depot...again. I smashed one of Carlisle's favorite paintings in his office and he's making me replace them. I'm going on my own...yay! So much fun to not have one of my siblings nagging me all the time.

Yours,

Emmett


	45. Chapter 45

**05/20/10**

Dear Hunter,

Carlisle is spitting mad because of the painting I bought him. It's a naked woman bathing on a river so he's making me go back to the Home Depot again and buy another one. This time, Edward is there as my 'mentor in intelligence' I do not need that! I am pretty intelligent! For example I can solve for the square root of -1...The answer? Nothing! Haha! See? I'm too smart for words!!!

Yours,

Emmett


	46. Chapter 46

**05/21/10**

Dear Hunter,

So Carlisle is making us do something to keep up our 'human charade'. He's making Rose and Alice try out for cheer leading and Bella for the Science Club. He's also making Edward try out for the basketball varsity, Jasper for softball varsity and he's making me try for the Football varsity.

Let's see who gets knocked out first! I'm betting that it's Eric Yorkie!

Did you know that Eric Yorkie, aka. GEEK, is on the football varsity? Probably some stunt to make girls like him. Ha! As if! Nobody would like him! He has a bad case of pimples and his eyes are too blind that he needs to wear glasses. He's a GEEK!

Okay...that was too evil...

Yours,

Emmett


	47. Chapter 47

**05/22/10**

Dear Hunter,

Ugh! Last night was the worst nights of my life! Last night was my 'date' with Jessica Stanley. Eww, I regret ever asking that girl out. First of all, I met her at the movies and she dressed like a sick prostitute or something. Seriously. She had on this dark black mini-skirt with a hem, the hem was practically the skirt. Then she wore a tube top that was also backless that was colored block. It was too low cut that she wasn't wearing a bra. The cut was so low it was practically on the middle of her breasts. She had on these 5-inch black heels and her hair was all free and her lips were too red and her eyes had some paint on top of them, color red. What do you call that? Eyeshadow?

Then we watched a new movie which had Kellan Lutz on it. She went to the bathroom and when she was going back to her seat, she 'accidentally' tripped and landed on my lap. Of course, she put her hand in my lap and it traveled farther and farther up. She was undoing my belt and pulling down my zipper so I had to 'accidentally' push her and 'accidentally' remember a family emergency that involved Jasper getting stuck in my Jeep so I left her in the movie theater. But I think she hit it on with one of the guys there.

Thank God Rose wasn't there!

Yours,

Emmett


	48. Chapter 48

**05/23/10**

Dear Hunter,

Hunted with Eddie-poo today. I 'accidentally' stole his mountain lion away from him so now he's as mad as hell! Aww...too bad... *smirks*

Yours,

Emmett


	49. Chapter 49

**05/24/10**

Dear Hunter,

Faye Jordan is getting bigger everyday! Seth has to help her get down from his car and sit down and all that stuff. So of course, I told her that she looked like a penguin...she was waddling and that got Embry and Seth angry at me. Embry's being too protective over Faye coz' he's paranoid that something might hurt Vivi (the baby and his imprintee).

Yours,

Emmett


	50. Chapter 50

**05/25/10**

Dear Hunter,

Um...nothing much to write except I almost ruined Faye's wedding gown. Haha...Just a stupid prank! Dang, Edward and Alice had to get me busted at the last minute! Of course, they now assigned bodyguards to guard it 24/7 coz' they're afraid I'm gonna ruin it again. Hmmmm.....

Yours,

Emmett


	51. Chapter 51

**05/26/10**

Dear Hunter,

Still not over the 'date' with Jessica. Edward won't stop teasing me about it so I 'accidentally' destroyed his Debussy CD. He hasn't seen it yet...

Oops, he read my mind.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Yours,

Emmett


	52. Chapter 52

**05/27/10**

Dear Hunter,

Edward destroyed my XBOX! I WILL GET HIM FOR THAT! THIS WILL NOT BE OVERSEEN...THE WAY THEY USUALLY WOULD DO!!! I WILL PUSH FOR JUSTICE! I WILL NOT REST TILL JUSTICE HAS BEEN SERVED! I WILL-

Ooohhh...Dora the Explorer is on!

Yours,

Emmett


	53. Chapter 53

**05/27/10**

Dear Hunter,

Carlisle is having a family meeting about their issues with me. Alice said that I have body odor...I DO NOT!

For that, I will be destroying her Limited Edition dark green Christian Loubutin boots!

JUSTICE HAS BEEN SERVED!

Yours,

Emmett


	54. Chapter 54

**05/2****8/10**

Dear Hunter,

Alice found the pieces of her boots...Esme is now yelling at me while Alice is staring traumatized...Geez, it's just boots!

Yours,

Emmett


	55. Chapter 55

**05/29/10**

Dear Hunter,

I'm in Moscow...somewhere in Russia. Why? I kidnapped Faye Jordan's wedding dress, Alice's bridesmaid shoes, Bella's bridesmaid dress and Leah's Maid of Honor shoes and dress. They can't replace them because it's custom-made and they can't replace it in time for the wedding.

The wedding is about 3 months away but the wedding dress is pure white with 4 thousand diamonds and has sapphires on the hem so it can't be replaced. HAHA! JUSTICE HAS BEEN SERVED!

i miss rose, though...

Yours,

Emmett


	56. Chapter 56

**05/30/10**

Dear Hunter,

Edward dragged me home and made me return all of the stuff I stole! Thankfully, all of them forgave me and didn't even ground me!

Yours,

Emmett


	57. Chapter 57

**05/31/10**

Dear Hunter,

Alice, Rose and Esme are doing the wedding but Bella's in charge of the flowers. They moved the wedding to June 10 in case I did something else that would endanger it. Pssh...like I would!

Will I?

Yours,

Emmett


	58. Chapter 58

**06/01/10**

Dear Hunter,

I'm writing in Spanish Class coz' it's rainy today and there's no sun. Jessica has been telling everyone about our 'date' and she edited it all out! She said that we were messing together at her house after the movie and that we didn't even watch the movie coz' we were busy doing something else! Rose is mad and Jessica is lucky Rose is a senior or else Jessica has to say _bye-bye_.

Bye-Bye will be good.

Uh Oh! Now one of the cheerleaders, Brittany Sanchez, is looking at me kinda weirdly. She looks at me like Rose does when I'm wearing a tight shirt and pants...

I don't like this

Yours,

Emmett


	59. Chapter 59

**06/02/10**

Dear Hunter,

Today's the first meeting on the football varsity. I had to pay for a football because I threw one of them and it hit the post with a thud and it broke. So they elected me quarterback or captain! Yay! But the cheerleaders have practice the same time as we do and I'm always on the skins team so no shirt while playing and they always look at me kinda weirdly.

Hmmm...

Yours,

Emmett


	60. Chapter 60

**06/03/10**

Dear Hunter,

Today we went to the mall to pick out some gear for our sports. Alice and Rosalie like being a cheerleader except for a girl named Alison Scott because she always tries to flirt with Jasper and me and that makes Rose and Alice mad. So one day, Rose went berserk and threw the contents of her Coke down Alison's shirt and Alice yelled at her "YOUR SHOES ARE SOOO LAST YEAR!" so now both of them are in detention.

Ahh, so nice not being in detention for a change.

Yours,

Emmett


	61. Chapter 61

**06/04/10**

Dear Hunter,

Faye is getting bigger everyday and although Seth loves her, he hates her cravings and the daily foot scrubs that a hormonal pregnant woman has. Her latest craving are guavas. HaHa...I'll take that any day just to get Rose pregnant.

Yours,

Emmett


	62. Chapter 62

**06/05/10**

Dear Hunter,

I need to go to Germany in order to replace Edward's volvo. I was driving around La Push and I saw the cliffs so I tried to jump the car off it and land on the other side, like the ones they do on movies. But the Volvo never made it so I need to go to Germany and but Eddie an Audi R8.

Good news! Jasper's the one going to go to Germany since I can't be trusted on my own! I'll be the one paying for it, though.

Yours,

Emmett


	63. Chapter 63

**06/06/10**

Dear Hunter,

Jasper is back from Germany. I'm bored, what can we do? Hmm...the wolves are here so I guess we could play Truth or Dare. Yeah! Carlisle and Esme aren't here. Carlisle's in the hospital and Esme's with Emily in La Push!

Hmmm....

Yours,

Emmett


	64. Chapter 64

**06/07/10**

Dear Hunter,

Yesterday, I dared Paul to cross his eyes for 25 minutes. Well, he fainted from being so dizzy that we had to call Carlisle. So now Jasper's grounded because I told Carlisle he was the one who told us to play Truth or Dare.

Ahh...So nice not being grounded for a change!!!

Yours,

Emmett


	65. Chapter 65

**06/08/10**

Dear Hunter,

Jasper left for Germany today. Lucky guy! IT'S NO FAIR THAT HE GETS TO GO TO GERMANY WHILE GROUNDED WHILE I ALWAYS HAVE TO SURRENDER MY SUPER MARIO!!!!

Yours,

Emmett


	66. Chapter 66

**06/09/10**

Dear Hunter,

Jasper came back today with the new car for Eddie. It's in dark blue and while he was coming down the garage to see it, I accidentally set off my stink bomb. So now Edward smells like a donkey! Well, he already looks like one...might as well smell like one!

Yours,

Emmett


	67. Chapter 67

**06/10/10**

Dear Hunter,

Eddie can't get the smell of donkey off his clothes and the rest of the family is giving him a hard time to concentrate because we're all laughing at him. For once, I TAKE THE BLAME!

Yours,

Emmett


	68. Chapter 68

**06/11/10**

Dear Hunter,

Accidentally ate some cotton candy today. Now I'm hyper but I think I'm gonna get sick!...

Yours,

Emmett


	69. Chapter 69

**06/12/10**

Dear Hunter,

I beat Bella in arm wrestling! A First! But I cheated. See, I knew that Bella was afraid of Dora the Explorer so when it seemed like I was loosing, I whispered to her Dora's song and that made her so shocked, I BEAT HER! HAHAHA! I AM STRONGER THAN A NEWBORN VAMPIRE!

Yours,

Emmett


	70. Chapter 70

**06/13/10**

Dear Hunter,

I gave Nessie 'The Talk' today and now Edward and Bella and Rose are mad at me. What? Nessie has to hear the talk sooner or later! She's getting to intimate with Jake.

If you know what I mean.....

Yours,

Emmett


	71. Chapter 71

**06/14/10**

Dear Hunter,

In school today, I used Jasper's email to send everyone a picture of Jasper in Spongebob boxer shorts. Haha! So now the girls are all giggly and stuff and the guys are looking disgusted. Dang, I should have done this a long time ago!

Yours,

Emmett


	72. Chapter 72

**06/15/10**

Dear Hunter,

Went Hunting today since it was too sunny. Haha, I splattered Eddie's face with grizzly bear blood. It was worth it, though...all that blood wasted:(

Yours,

Emmett


	73. Chapter 73

**06/16/10**

Dear Hunter,

Here in French Class. Ugh, I hate Mademoiselle Valinkofsky. Her full name is Simone Valinkofsky and she emigrated to Paris from Russia. So you might think I'm checking out my teacher but Alice always complains that she dresses like a slut and I'm checking if Alice was saying the truth. Today, Mademoiselle Valinkofsky is wearing a dark blue skirt and a black blouse with high heels. Her hair is in a French twist and she's wearing dark red lipstick. She looks like one of those showgirls at Jasper's bachelor party when he married Alice. We held his bachelor party in Las Vegas.

Oops, I was shaking one of my pens when ink suddenly flew and landed on Mike Newton's face. Haha! It looks good on him!

Yours,

Emmett


	74. Chapter 74

**06/17/10**

Dear Hunter,

Haha! After school today, we dared Alice to buy some stuff at the flea market. So now she's not talking to us! Haha, that girl can be so emotional sometimes!

Yours,

Emmett

* * *

**So I have decided that this story will only be up to 100 chapters and after that, it's done! Um, please don't kill me! **


	75. Chapter 75

**06/18/10**

Dear Hunter,

The Wolves are here...god, the smell is toxic! Almost as bad as Edward after gym. Uh Oh! Eddie read my mind, I better run!

Yours,

Emmett


	76. Chapter 76

**06/19/10**

Dear Hunter,

Rosie had cheer-leading practice today. She looks so hot in that uniform. She was jealous though because some cheerleaders, mainly Tatiana Grue, Ivy Baker, Ella Whipslash and Evelyn Eaves were eyeballing me. Heck, Rose is better than them. They were so wobbly when they were doing the pyramind.

I wonder what Bella would do if she had to be a cheerleader and wear those skimpy uniforms?

Yours,

Emmett


	77. Chapter 77

**06/20/10**

Dear Hunter,

I HATE JASPER! HE FREAKIN' BEAT ME IN WRESTLING TODAY BECAUSE SAM ULEY CAME AND I WAS DISTRACTED BY THE SMELL SO HE PINNED ME! I AM GONNA GET BACK AT HIM EVEN IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO! I WILL MAKE SURE THAT THIS WILL NOT BE OVERLOOKED BY THE CULLENS!

Yours,

Emmett


	78. Chapter 78

**06/21/10**

Dear Hunter,

I hate the wolves, they dared me to go to Priscilla Davies' house. Priscilla is this girl who has this amazing crush on me. Her hair is dishwater blonde and really messy. Her skin is yellow and she has scabs on her legs...double eww.

So I went to her house and she opened the door after I rang the doorbell. Her yucky hair was up in a ponytail and she had on a pink bathrobe that barely covered her gross legs. "Emmie!" she squealed and threw her arms around me and she kissed me...yuck, her breath smells like stinky cheese! She was practically messing me on her front porch and touching me where I wouldn't want to be touched.

Gross...I'm still recovering, by the way

Yours,

Emmett


	79. Chapter 79

**06/22/10**

Dear Hunter,

Faye's wedding is set for tomorrow night. The house will be stinking all day long so they're gonna have a beach wedding by La Push. Thank god!

Still haven't recovered from the 'Priscilla accident' and it dosen't help that Jasper keeps teasing me about it. I finally had to stuff Jacob's socks in his mouth to get him to shut up. Now Alice won't kiss him because of the smell of his breath. Serves him right.

JUSTICE HAS BEEN SERVED

Yours,

Emmett


	80. Chapter 80

**06/23/10**

Dear Hunter,

Ugh, my head hurts from the wedding! It was too cheesy! Especially the vows which were written by Emily and Esme! It went like this: "Faye, our love will have no match for the trials that will face us in the future. I will always love you no matter what." Talk about lame. But then again, they'll only be married once so it's good to be lame.

Rose looked hot in her dress. It's strapless and colored lilac. Yeah, the motive was lilac.

More tomorrow, my head hurts...and I'll tell you about what I did to the wedding cake.

Yours,

Emmett


	81. Chapter 81

**06/23/10**

Dear Hunter,

Okay, so i totally hate Alice and Bella for ruining my plans. I had bought along the largest bottle of Hot Sauce I could find and I was going to pour it into the cake and steal all the water. So I poured it but it turns out that Alice ordered an extra cake so they replaced it...boo hoo

So I had to settle for popping a balloon when Seth and Faye were saying "I do" so Seth was like "I-aahhh"

Yours,

Emmett


	82. Chapter 82

**06/23/10**

Dear Hunter,

Seth and Faye left for their honeymoon in Isle Esme....Esme's wedding gift for them. Alice and Rosalie packed Faye's luggage for her but I was feeling bored so I decided to steal all Seth's boxers and underwear and t-shirts. Haha, he'll be going in his pants without underwear!

Yours,

Emmett


	83. Chapter 83

**06/24/10**

Dear Hunter,

Seth called us last night to tell us that they were coming home. Turns out that Faye began bleeding when they got there and were doing something. She's still six months pregnant so she's not yet due but Seth's not taking any chances and Carlisle wants to keep her under observation. Bet Seth's not wearing any underwear. Bet Seth's not wearing any underwear. Eddie's said that I'm clueless and unkind for not helping the rest of us. I do not show unkindness! Edward's the one who's unkind!

Yours,

Emmett


	84. Chapter 84

**06/25/10**

Dear Hunter,

Faye's in the hospital right now for observation. Carlisle says that it's probably nothing serious. Good, I hate serious.

I've been singing Barbie Girl all day at the top of my lungs but Jasper and Alice are begging me to stop. I'm probably too good for them that's why they're so jealous. Did you know that I broke a glass bowl while I was singing like one of those girls on the opera? That's how good I am!

Yours,

Emmett


	85. Chapter 85

**06/26/10**

Dear Hunter,

School today. Spanish is as boring as a bag full of bricks. I don't really get how education is going to make me smarter. I mean, my brain dosen't like me and I don't like my brain. What's the point of cooperating when the two of us are trying to kill each other?

Rosalie says I'm too immature for my age. Oh who cares?

Yours,

Emmett


	86. Chapter 86

**06/27/10**

Dear Hunter,

School's almost finished. Summer's gonna be next week already! Yipee! I'm so excited...I wonder what I'm going to do with Jasper and Edward during summer. Hmmm....

Yours,

Emmett


	87. Chapter 87

**06/28/10**

Dear Hunter,

Esme baked a cake for the wolves today and she had me help her as part of my punishment for taking Seth's clothes during their honeymoon. I think she regretted it because I accidentally put salt instead of sugar and baking soda instead of flour.

I am not a girl so therefore, I cannot cook!

Yours,

Emmett


	88. Chapter 88

**06/29/10**

Dear Hunter,

I beat Jasper in Guitar Hero today but he forfeited because some delivery men came up to install new missile proof windows because I broke our old bullet proof windows. I wonder who's going to break it this time?

Yours,

Emmett


	89. Chapter 89

**Thank you to all of you guys who have reviewed and read the entire diary of Emmett. Now I have a favor to ask of you guys. My cousin, Allie is writing a novel called "The Mafia's Secret" under the name 'Jane Doe'. She's writing it in her blog and if you want to view it, please visit this link: _.com/ _I promise you guys that you will all love it! The prologue and Chapter One is up!  
**

* * *

**06/30/10**

Dear Hunter,

Carlisle made me read a book called 'The Vampire Diaries'. It's really unscientific. I mean, whoever heard of vampires who don't sparkle?

Yours,

Emmett


	90. Chapter 90

**um, just check the link on my profile!:)  
**

* * *

**07/01/10**

Dear Hunter,

I finished Vampire Diaries a while ago and I still think that it's very unscientific. These are my proof:

1. Damon and Stefan don't sparkle. What vampire dosen't sparkle?

2. Stefan eats rabbits and squirrels. Couldn't he eat bears and lions?

3. Vampires do not turn into ash at the sun and lodestone rings do not stop them.

Yours,

Emmett


	91. Chapter 91

**um, just check the link on my profile!:)  
**

* * *

**07/02/10**

Dear Hunter,

Since I finished the Vampires Diaries, Esme made me read another vampire book. She says that I should expand my vocabulary but I think this is just part of my punishment. But I asked her if I could read other books instead and she agreed. So I'm going to read Percy Jackson and the Olympians. I'm in book one already.

I think I know who my demigod parent is. I bet it's Ares because I like to fight and all that. Edward is probably Athena's because he's so smart. Rosalie is Aphrodite coz' she's so hot. Esme is Persephone coz' she loves plants and flowers. Alice is also Aphrodite's coz' she loves shopping. Carlisle is probably Hermes coz' Hermes is the patron of doctors and Carlisle is a doctor.

Jasper is from Hades coz' he oozes death and stuff. Jasper looks like death too.

Yours,

Emmett


	92. Chapter 92

**07/03/10**

Dear Hunter,

So I bought a shirt today and I wore it to school but Edward and Jasper told me to take it off because It was embarrassing for the whole family. When we visited Carlisle in the hospital, I wore it too. I don't get it, that shirt was so pretty and it looked good on me. It really suits me well.

Esme was offended too.

Oh yeah, the design on the shirt says:**"I'M RETARDED" **

Yours,

Emmett


	93. Chapter 93

**07/04/10**

Dear Hunter,

Carlisle is pretty mad at me today. I announced during a family meeting that wearing clothes is against my religion. Edward is disgusted with me. TeeHee!

Yours,

Emmett


	94. Chapter 94

**07/04/10**

Dear Hunter,

Esme says that she dosen't know what happened to my brain that made it go awry. Well, I was doing something good for them and Carlisle! I just phoned McDonalds and asked them to reserve a table for a Mr. and Mrs. Cullen for the evening.

Haha! That prank was fun to do! The cashier girl or something was totally confused!

Yours,

Emmett


	95. Chapter 95

**07/05/10**

Dear Hunter,

Too busy right now annoying Nessie. Everytime she touches something, I spray it with a can of Lysol. So far, I've used 10 cans already and she's pissed as hell. Haha!

Yours,

Emmett


	96. Chapter 96

**07/06/10**

Dear Hunter,

Faye gave birth to a baby girl today. The baby is premature but good thing she had wolf blood in her so she survived. Diana Vivienne Clearwater is a really cute baby with dark hair and dark brown eyes and everything.

Seth forbade Embry to tell his baby about him imprinting on her until Vivi is 18.

Wonder what sort of pranks I can do.

Yours,

Emmett


	97. Chapter 97

**07/07/10**

Dear Hunter,

So I'm nearing the end of this diary or journal or notebook or whatever it's called. Anyway, I only have a few more pages to go. Esme says that she's gonna get me another diary or journal or notebook but I told her not to.

Maybe I'll make a blog...who knows?

Yours,

Emmett


	98. Chapter 98

**07/08/10**

Dear Hunter,

I approached Cecile Byrnes in school today. She's the head of the school newspaper and I told her if I could work on the newspaper. She put me on the advice column! I start in three days! YIPEE! Edward's scared, I think, he says what kind of advice I would give to the students who write their problems on slips of paper and slip it into my locker.

JEALOUSY WILL GET YOU NOWHERE, EDDIE POO!

Yours,

Emmett


	99. Chapter 99

**SORRY NOT TO HAVE UPDATED SOONER! PLEASE READ MY NEWEST STORY: FORKS HIGH SCHOOL NEWSPAPER! It's all about Emmett too:) **

* * *

**07/09/10**

Dear Hunter,

So I ate some peanut butter today and I didn't feel so good so I had to puke it. All I wanted to see is how peanut butter would taste. My fault...

Yours,

Emmett


	100. Chapter 100

**Thank you to everyone who kept up with Emmett and reviewed and gave all their ideas. Special thanks to Sand n' Sable for reviewing at every chapter. THANK YOU TO ALL! love ya guys xd:):)  
**

* * *

**07/10/10**

Dear Hunter,

Newspaper meeting today and I'm late. But I need to write my last in you. Well Hunter, it's been a breeze writing in you and you've been there for me all the time. Now, I really have to go to that meeting and to prank Eddie and the Wolves.

Yours,

Emmett


End file.
